Attempting to take a shortcut from Myrtle Beach to a meeting in Summerville, S.C., I took a chance by traveling on U.S. 17 Alternate out of Georgetown. Little did I know I’d be traveling on back roads through Jamestown, population 97. Not only is Jamestown home to the annual Hell Hole Swamp Festival, the town is known as one of the most prolific speed traps in the nation. Guess who was to be its next victim?

Popping in and out of 40 MPH and 55 MPH speed zones, I met my fate at 12:19 p.m. one afternoon. Somewhere in Jamestown I was pulled over by an unmarked law enforcement agent. The officer was all business, with a thick Southern accent, appropriately basketball-ish belly, and, of course, aviator sunglasses.

“What’s your hurry?” he asked after he looked at my license, registration and insurance card. Thank God I was a semi-local.

“Late for a meetin’ in Summerville,” I answered, dropping the “g,” so I’d seem more blue collar; just another good ol’ boy, workin’ for a livin’.

“You were doin’ 62 in a 40.”

I was so legitimately surprised at the revelation that any Southern affectation in my voice went out the window.
“Are you kidding me? I was? I am so sorry. I thought it was 55.”

“That doesn’t explain why you were doin’ 62, does it?” said the officer. “If you’d been goin’ four mile-an-hour faster, this’d be a four-hunered-an-forty-dollar ticket.”

“I am really sorry.” And I was.

The officer, apparently not moved by my apology, disappeared into his vehicle and returned with my $185 ticket for “doin’ 62 in a 40.” No breaks today.  He handed me the ticket and spoke in a monotone, all his words gushing forth as one sentence. “You-do-not-have-to-appear-in-court-you-can-mail-in-your-fine-and-plead-guilty-do-you-have-any-questions-at-this-time?”

“No sir.”

“Have a nice day,” he said as he walked to his car. The entire unpleasant roadside ordeal was over in less than five minutes.
Several days later, back home in Myrtle Beach, I looked at my summons.

“Jamestown?” I said aloud. “I’ve never even heard of Jamestown.”  I looked for a phone number to call about paying my ticket with a credit card, and possibly reducing the fine and/or points. No such number exists on the ticket; just a P.O. Box.

I Googled “Jamestown, S.C.,” and found an interesting Wikipedia entry; one that would confirm my membership in an elite club.

Like all Wikipedia entries related to municipalities, it starts out the same, citing the town’s general location, in this case Berkeley County, S.C., the town’s geography, demographics and town-related events. It is here where I first learned about Jamestown’s Annual Hell Hole Swamp Festival, started in 1972. Beauty contests, a small parade (it would have to be), and the main exhibit—a confiscated moonshine still—and the 10K Gator Run. Winners of the 10K road race receive actual alligator heads as trophies. OK…

While the Hell Hole Swamp Festival info was fascinating, it was the next entry that really grabbed my attention.

“Reputation as a Speed Trap.”

It seems, according to Wikipedia, that Jamestown is notorious for capturing speeders unaware, citing statistics from The National Speed Trap Exchange (a site that lets people post speed traps for the benefit of other drivers), and Charleston’s Post and Courier newspaper. Additional cited statistics revealed that in 2009 some $195,000 was raised from writing tickets, which represented nearly two-thirds of the town’s annual $313,000 budget. The Wikipedia entry also stated: “Drivers can usually avoid having points added to their license by paying anywhere from $50 to $200 extra.”

I eventually tracked down a Jamestown phone number for an office with part-time hours. I finally got through.

“Hi,” I said to the pleasant woman on the other end.  “I received a speeding ticket last week, and was told by the officer that I didn’t have to appear in court.  I was wondering…is there any advantage in doing so? Like the points or fine might be reduced, if I appear in person?”

“No, no,” she answered quickly. “You don’t need to come.” It seemed like she really didn’t want to see me. “How fast were you going and what’s the fine amount?”

I told her.

“If you want to pay by cashier’s check, just send it in a week or so before your court date and there’s a slight surcharge to remove all the points.” Her voice pitched a little higher, as if I was being informed of some really good news, like “Congratulations! You’ve won a two-night stay in the Bahamas! But a slight surcharge applies.”

What she actually said was “Your new total is $237. No points, all done, you don’t have to come to court.”

All in all, I was relieved. No points is a big deal, and I was speeding. But still, I can’t help feeling a bit like I’ve been to hell and back, and had my wallet snagged in the process. Lesson learned. Beware of backwoods shortcuts, speeding and places known for alligator head trophies. You can visit if you want, but it may cost you.