“For better for worse, for richer for poorer.” These are just part of the vows that Linda Mayo-Perez made on May 14, 2011, when she wed at Brookgreen Gardens in Murrells Inlet. Linda, of Lotus Heritage Group presents Ceremonies and Celebrations, is an ordained interfaith minister with a master’s degree in spirituality. “Why is ritual so important? It brings people together—speaks to who we are, makes us feel loved, appreciated and celebrated,” says Linda of how she and Jimmy crafted an original day—and found ways to include their guests in the process.

Whether you and your partner choose bespoke vows, statements or stories, you have to determine the parameters. For this couple, ideas flowed freely from Linda’s time as a celebrant, but she has a handful of starting points for stumped couples. For example, Linda, who helps couples craft personalized rituals, says they should start by considering the following with their celebrant: How did we come together? How did we meet? Why are we making the choice to wed? She finds these talks get down to the core of one’s belief system, so the values, and stories behind them, start to emerge.

Linda says that she tends to stay away from “fill in the blank here” vows herself, but allows that other couples might find that templates or quotes offer a suitable framework. If you choose this route, write down your quote, add your own reflections, and end with a related sentence that begins with “I promise to...” or “I vow to...” and include your intentions as a spouse.

Here’s an example: “Anne Bradstreet wrote, ‘If ever two were one, then surely we. If ever man were loved by wife, then thee.’ You are... (insert description of your future spouse). I knew I wanted to be with you when... (describe a vivid example). Today I promise to... (add goals for your marriage).”

Read your vows aloud to yourself and to friends for feedback. If you can memorize them, great, but if you’re wary of nerves, print them and have them handy. Looking for a hands-free option? Linda used this method during her own ceremony: write a love letter to your partner, and pass it to the celebrant before the ceremony. The distilled essence of the letters will be read aloud, line by line, as your vows.

Linda advises sticking to what inspires you. “We all want meaning and purpose that is exclusive to us. It’s about what you feel, why you’re excited to be with this person.”